I don't know what I'm training for, but I hope it never happens

I honestly don't know what I did all those years without cable. No CSI, no Warrick Brown. No Olympics, no Brian Williams. No Secret Life of a Call Girl, no...well no classy entertainment. And worst of all, no commercials.

Last week I found the advertisement of a lifetime, the new Old Spice campaign with my newest celebrity crush, Isaiah Mustafa. I suggest watching the amazingly hilarious commercial, man.
My mancrush totally and completely sold me on man-scented bodywash, even though I am neither a man, nor do I have one to use this bodywash on. Doesn't matter. All I know is that he has two tickets to that thing I love.

This evening's television viewing uncovered the El Dorado and other rich and vast ancient treasures of exercise machines. 3-Minute Legs and the Shake Weight. Rather than point you to just the ads themselves, I will give you Ellen, who keenly demonstrates the results you will reap with these fun, easy, fun, fast, fun, fat-burning, inch-scouring, and yes fun machines, designed for who else? Women. Because remember, we should all smell like butterflies, and salt taffy. If the Shake Weight can't do that, I don't know what can.

**Edit: I posted the original 3-Minute Legs workout on my friend Jason's wall. He is a certified personal trainer and works in the health and wellness industry. He had the following to say:

Jason N
My favorite quotes:

"until now [squat and lunges] were too hard; too difficult"
-I shouldn't even start. It probably won't be facebook appropriate

"It's a 3 minute miracle!"
-speechless

"It holds up to 275lbs"
-I can squat that

"Ordinary lunges can hurt your knees if you lose your balance"
-You can get injured anywhere if you lose balance

"Regular squats can be BRUTAL on your back"
-Yes......that must be why proper lifting techniques require a squat

"It has a depth control cable that prevents you from going too low"
-The population in China hasn't been injured from going to the bathroom yet

Thanks for the professional opinion Jason. And viewers, stay tuned.

Step aside Brian Williams

I realize it's been some time since the Vancouver twentyten Winter Olympics, but as I was glued to my set for the entirety of the games many things still remain fresh in my memory. Alex Bilodeau and his historic gold medal (I'm going to thank Brian Williams for burning that phrase into my head), faulty mechanics in the opening ceremonies leading to an embarrassing no flame-show for Catriona and consequently and even more embarrassing closing ceremonies (I napped through most of them but caught Avril Lavigne and scantily-clad mounties, enough to put any Canadian to shame), and of course...the fashion.

Allow me to start with figure skating, since it's just so easy:



Sarah and I couldn't figure out what Michal Brezina was going for, and at first couldn't even decide with all that spinning and fluttering whether the band at the waist was part of the shiny pink sequined sweater vest or part of the slacks. Yes, slacks. Is this Czech for guido? In the end, we realized that what he in fact embodied was k.d.lang at the office. She'd probably tone down the slacks, probably something a little more neutral, but definitely keep the bling.

I tried to find a picture of Evan Lysacek too, but failed, so will just emphasize that the black, feathered ensemble he wore made him look like the Adams Family meets Swan Lake. Instead, I will leave you with this:



What? Looks like Krippendorf could have his PhD thesis after all with this tribe of two. OH SNAP.

I also wanted to showcase the inappropriate jeanpants the American snowboarders were wearing and the fine moustache of the French halfpipe snowboarder well-dubbed "Inspector Clouseau" (his coach sported the same facial fashion), but could only find pictures of Shaun White smiling, Shaun White grinning, Shaun White winning, Shaun White paraphernalia, and so on and so forth. Halfpipe should have just been renamed to "Come Watch Shaun White".

As for the commentating during these games, nothing could beat David Pelletier's dry wit and French Canadian boldness
("Are they channeling their inner Avatar? This is why you don't let the competition design your outfits.") , but the women's alpine skiing peeps sure came close:

"My that was quite the spill Diane."
"Sure was! Wow she's still going, looks like she might make it to the finish line on her bum!"
"Well, she'd be real competition in luge."

"And the French skiier takes off! And she...oh my. Looks like she just....tipped over. Do you think she's hurt?"
"I think it's just her pride that's hurt Dave."

Thanks Vancouver, Brian Williams, and the rest of the CTV news team. Alex Bilodeau, men's hockey, and a 1 2 finish in women's bobsleigh may have captured the hearts and imaginations of millions of viewers, but to me the 2010 Olympics will always be Avatar catastrophes and poor sport choices.

A Precursor to the Olympic Catwalk

Before I write about the Olympics, which has taken up 99.9999998% of my time for the last two or so weeks, I thought I would bring back this goldmine of the fashion world to everyone's attention to really set the mood. I can only hope that I will be half as awesome when I search for my favourite pieces from the Vancouver winter games. Kudos to Johnny Virgil for creating this classic.