This week the weather went something like this:
Thursday: Calgary experiences winter, in the spring, and I experience a frisbee to the eye, giving me the opportunity to look like a pirate for the next two weeks, at least. I cannot open my eye the second day, and by day 4 it has turned a magnificent shade of magenta. Hot guy at trendy downtown restaurant stares at me during lunch hour and for 5 minutes I believe it is because we are undeniably soul mates, then realize I look like an abused housewife and he's probably wondering if he should call social services.
Saturday: High winds and a craze of moving as Sarah and I leave the Enchanted Forest in search of greener pastures and find that and more in roommate #3 Nadine's ten million plants. The Jungle seems a rather suiting name for the new house...
Monday: Heavy rain and high possibility of the fish dying due to loss of fish bowl cleaner during the move. Have a mini-panic episode that includes Sarah driving around the city to find a 24-hour walmart (they don't exist) and phonecalls to fish connoisseur friend Andrew who tells us in no uncertain terms Sangsom is pretty much fucked.
The fish lives, but Sarah will feel the shame of poor mothering for the rest of her life and will undoubtedly never let her real children feed and/or clothe themselves to make up for it.
Wednesday: Scattered showers and bible-thumpers; find out the 5 boys living downstairs in the 3-bedroom basement suite are all h-core Roman Catholic missionaries. Were afraid they were too loud during the morning "Our Father" as boys #2 and #3 got really into the chant. Also find a book entitled Fit for Eternal Life in basement windowsill and stare at it for a good 10 minutes. On that note, I sure hope my mother gets me this charming scripture bracelet for my graduation present. After all, not only do I get to feel timeless words of wisdom boring into my skin at all times, but it comes complete with silky tassel embellishment. If anything says Anne, it's a silky tassel.
Thursday: Low pressure system moving in as we are alerted by our priest-in-training from downstairs that a naked, masturbating peeping tom is on the loose in our neighbourhood. Sarah is horrified; I am humoured to the point of laughter. Nadine informs us she caught the guy staring at her at her old house; I am in hysterics.
Priest-in-training comes back to tell us that my car lights are on. Confused as to how to handle chivalrous religious zealots and decide the best course of action is a dose of home-baked cookies laced with agnosticism.
Humility rises to about 90% as between my mother and I we can't seem to figure out how to get my brother's car hood down. Realize it is much simpler than we thought and end up closing it with one hand pressing down on the hood. Don't really want to get into this further.
Friday: Temperature in the twenties yet people are still renting damn skis. Don't they know what happens to snow at temperatures past 0 degrees? Also, the damn Austrian is still here. Ian and I thought he had finally gone back to his country and we would never have to set a pair of Alpine Touring skis for him ever again, but he is now back in full-force for climbing, accompanied by his Norwegian friend who somehow lost a pair of Outdoor Centre boots, had to replace them, and is now bitter European #2 whom we have to deal with on a regular basis. Still not as bad as the Austrian.
Forecast for tomorrow: Partly cloudy with a chance of the Austrian. As always.
