There must be some kind of perk to being the only single person in a room with three couples, all staring googly-eyed and unable to lose physical contact with one another. Like, maybe a bag of candy, or psychadelic drugs to hallucinate yourself a partner to match the other groups. Not that everyone should act like a single person to appease me; that would be elitist and wrong. But I felt slightly mislead, as I thought I was going to a party. Subjective in nature, a party could really be anything, however I think we can all agree that it rests somewhere in the vague realm of less than a wedding, but more than a poker match. I'm not sure what this was, only that it was dangerously close to a smoky backroom and a deck of cards (high Twos).
A friend recently informed me that at a dinner party, she once sat between a couple, only to have them hold hands behind her back whilst reminiscing fond moments, like the time they met. Really?
It's not like I haven't tried being a non-single, or the subjuntive form, a "couple". It's that every time I try, I become uninspired and unmotivated. I realize it's difficult, being a whole couple of inches taller than most people. One suave champion told me not that we would have beautiful babies together, but that we would have giant babies together. In my top ten pickup lines received are the bold "You must bench 350.", the more predictable "Can you slam dunk a basketball?", and the painfully emasculating "I had to wait until you were sitting down." I'm still confused about the third one. Were we to ever enter a relationship, would I have been sitting down the whole time? How would I get from place to place? How would I slam dunk a basketball? How am I not married with children?
The dating scene in this city is dismal. I am either confronted with men who can't place Spain on a map, men who think a P.Eng will earn them a one-way ticket to the bedroom, or men who try to recruit me for rugby. I'd even try dating one of them, like say the engineer with the watermarked business card, except at dinner he'd probably end up with a fork in the eye and I'd end up with the hospital bill, which I could only afford if I was married to the P.Eng in the first place. They say a bird in hand is worth two in the bush...is a ring in hand worth a fork in the eye?
The saddest part of all is that there are so few eligible bachelors left in this socially-wasted metropolitan that unbeknownst to him, a friend of a friend actually tried setting me up with my own brother, because, of course, we were both tall! Because when there's no one left to turn to, take a note from European royalty! It's not incest, it's succession!
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Never! Never accept less than you deserve, just to be one of the 'blingered'.(That's bling on finger - I think I just made that up).
ReplyDeleteI picture you being friends first, then one day he'll tell you how he really feels and you'll look at him like wtf?, but you won't say that out loud, and then you'll really look at him, and then, well,...fireworks!
I have absolute faith in this scenario; furthermore WHEN it happens I will be first in line at the cupcake fountain at your wedding reception, AND I really like carrot cake, so make sure there are some of those on the lower tier where I can reach them with my stubby little short-person arms.
Tall girls are both daunting and fascinating to the average guy, all the more so the shorter he is. I totally agree with Kath's crystal ball gazing AND her cake preferences. With cream cheese icing, please.
ReplyDeleteKath, it should be said, would probably give her third-born child away in exchange for your height.
A belated reply to this post. I am pretty tall at 5'10", though I understand that might vex someone over six feet who thinks, "Really? That's tall?" It's all relative. But nonetheless, much, much taller than the average female. I had the same struggles I think most tall girls do while growing up. But honestly, I think the right kind of men (smart, interesting, dynamic) could not care less if you were a few inches taller than them. I am the same height as Dan and he said if I were a few inches taller, it would not have mattered. AND also talked about how he finds tall women sexy because they exude confidence and have a presence. And we do. Fret not. The dating scene in Calgary can be dismal but you never know who you'll meet! Also, you are pretty stunningly beautiful, so even if I could put you in my pocket, it would still be the same case. Well, then it might be kind of awkward if I had my own little French Thumbelina.
ReplyDeleteIn compendium:
a) A man who is intimidated by height is not a secure man;
b) You rock;
c) I want to put you in my pocket.