I should have started profiles on people, notably professors, long ago, but today's lecture taught by none other than the exceedingly smooth University of Calgary academic, James Rutherford Hume (JRH) propelled me to actually do so.
At one o'clock on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I have the pleasure of listening to the use of words like "languidly" and "outlandish" employed by JRH, a man who sports oxford tweeds and tones that range from scholarly to dulcet as he discusses mangled and mutilated babies, incestuous rape, and the maniacal spewings of drugged-up women. Welcome to Ancient Greek Religion.
The best part of today's lecture came in the form of one of a number of divine pairings: Hephaestes, God of Forge and Fire, and Athena, Goddess of Civility and Wisdom. Apparently, Hephaestes, having been scorned by Aphrodite, who eliminated him from the playing field for being too ugly (Ares being the better-looking yet douchy-er choice), was picked up by Athena. As the daughter of Zeus, Athena was also better-looking than Hera's smith-son, but clearly had neither the beauty of Aphrodite nor her selection, having frightened everyone off with her full-body chastity belt.
At any rate, the two lived in relatively harmonious peace until one night when Hephaestes, not the brightest tool in the shed, tried to get some from our civil virgin, and came too soon, spraying all over her leg. Understandably grossed out, Athena shook/wiped his seed (this taken from ancient texts!) onto the ground, at which point the Earth, embodied by Gaea, decided that this was a great opportunity to make a kid, and from this tale the Christians managed to come up with immaculate conception.
Unfortunately that was the end of class. Next time I'll try to find something amusing about bank closure in early 20th century America.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
What (not) to wear
Living with Sarah has given me a lot to think about.
In my wardrobe, that is.
Before I leave the house, I go to the mirror by the door and check to make sure that I'm dressed exactly for the activity I'll be doing, or day I'll be having. For instance, for school, do I have the "pretentious but genuinely eager to learn" look for James Rutherford Hume's Ancient Greek Religion class, that at the same time presents itself as "stylish, scholarly, and sarcastic" for Frank Towers' American History, and at the end of the day will get me through biology with something that says "Not a first year or going to med school; I'm only here for the David Attenborough clips"? It's a tough call.
I didn't always give my outfits this much thought, but after Sarah's appointment with Jeremy-from-the-gym, where she sported the "I'm prepared to go to your gym but I'm not paying anything more than $50/mo" look and I told her the classy fall accessories paired with lulu pants did in fact portray this, I knew I had changed.
So the next time you see me, be prepared for a visual onslaught of meanings and themes through the magic of pashminas, dark-washed jeans, and a pair of heeled black leather boots that practically yell "Yes, I am fully aware that I'm a giant. Yes, that's great. Thanks for pointing that out to me. You're right, I need constant reaffirmation. What was that? Eff you, these are Arnold Churgin."
In my wardrobe, that is.
Before I leave the house, I go to the mirror by the door and check to make sure that I'm dressed exactly for the activity I'll be doing, or day I'll be having. For instance, for school, do I have the "pretentious but genuinely eager to learn" look for James Rutherford Hume's Ancient Greek Religion class, that at the same time presents itself as "stylish, scholarly, and sarcastic" for Frank Towers' American History, and at the end of the day will get me through biology with something that says "Not a first year or going to med school; I'm only here for the David Attenborough clips"? It's a tough call.
I didn't always give my outfits this much thought, but after Sarah's appointment with Jeremy-from-the-gym, where she sported the "I'm prepared to go to your gym but I'm not paying anything more than $50/mo" look and I told her the classy fall accessories paired with lulu pants did in fact portray this, I knew I had changed.
So the next time you see me, be prepared for a visual onslaught of meanings and themes through the magic of pashminas, dark-washed jeans, and a pair of heeled black leather boots that practically yell "Yes, I am fully aware that I'm a giant. Yes, that's great. Thanks for pointing that out to me. You're right, I need constant reaffirmation. What was that? Eff you, these are Arnold Churgin."
Thursday, October 8, 2009
On being a giant, and single
Again I bypass my own slightly-less-than-briliant rhetoric in favour of two links that were brought to my attention this evening that are so relevant to my life right now I couldn't pass up the opportunity to share them.
Among other citrus fruits life has thrown at me, like reading about the president of my university and his 4.5 million dollar pension plan, I am currently above the average male height, which for starters does wonders in the dating world, and single; refer back to the previous part of the sentence.
Sex and the City does wonders for my attitude when contemplating these subjects, as, for example, in season 5, when Charlotte decides to find herself a self-help book to get over her last relationship and surf her way to a new one. Among the titles she peruses are "Starting Over, Yet Again", "Reservations for One", and my personal favourite, "I'm fine, NOW".
Just over a week fresh from my own, expected failure, a friend posts on my roomate's facebook wall one of the more amazing dating faux-pas', recorded thanks to voice-mail, and then spread over Toronto's radio network. This, perhaps, is one of the reasons why so many have turned to wholesome dating websites such as "Plenty of Fish" (so clever!) and Lava Life, where true love happens over discussing how laid-back, fit, and funny you are - just like all other 62387429 people currently online. For your pleasure:
The reason some girls stay single
If that hasn't quite satisfied you, when I then returned to my own facebook page I was greeted with this:
#890 Really, really tall people
I somberly realized that shit only gets more hilarious with each inch you grow, so no wonder Gregg laughs at his own jokes.
Among other citrus fruits life has thrown at me, like reading about the president of my university and his 4.5 million dollar pension plan, I am currently above the average male height, which for starters does wonders in the dating world, and single; refer back to the previous part of the sentence.
Sex and the City does wonders for my attitude when contemplating these subjects, as, for example, in season 5, when Charlotte decides to find herself a self-help book to get over her last relationship and surf her way to a new one. Among the titles she peruses are "Starting Over, Yet Again", "Reservations for One", and my personal favourite, "I'm fine, NOW".
Just over a week fresh from my own, expected failure, a friend posts on my roomate's facebook wall one of the more amazing dating faux-pas', recorded thanks to voice-mail, and then spread over Toronto's radio network. This, perhaps, is one of the reasons why so many have turned to wholesome dating websites such as "Plenty of Fish" (so clever!) and Lava Life, where true love happens over discussing how laid-back, fit, and funny you are - just like all other 62387429 people currently online. For your pleasure:
The reason some girls stay single
If that hasn't quite satisfied you, when I then returned to my own facebook page I was greeted with this:
#890 Really, really tall people
I somberly realized that shit only gets more hilarious with each inch you grow, so no wonder Gregg laughs at his own jokes.
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