What I learn at university

I should have started profiles on people, notably professors, long ago, but today's lecture taught by none other than the exceedingly smooth University of Calgary academic, James Rutherford Hume (JRH) propelled me to actually do so.

At one o'clock on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I have the pleasure of listening to the use of words like "languidly" and "outlandish" employed by JRH, a man who sports oxford tweeds and tones that range from scholarly to dulcet as he discusses mangled and mutilated babies, incestuous rape, and the maniacal spewings of drugged-up women. Welcome to Ancient Greek Religion.

The best part of today's lecture came in the form of one of a number of divine pairings: Hephaestes, God of Forge and Fire, and Athena, Goddess of Civility and Wisdom. Apparently, Hephaestes, having been scorned by Aphrodite, who eliminated him from the playing field for being too ugly (Ares being the better-looking yet douchy-er choice), was picked up by Athena. As the daughter of Zeus, Athena was also better-looking than Hera's smith-son, but clearly had neither the beauty of Aphrodite nor her selection, having frightened everyone off with her full-body chastity belt.

At any rate, the two lived in relatively harmonious peace until one night when Hephaestes, not the brightest tool in the shed, tried to get some from our civil virgin, and came too soon, spraying all over her leg. Understandably grossed out, Athena shook/wiped his seed (this taken from ancient texts!) onto the ground, at which point the Earth, embodied by Gaea, decided that this was a great opportunity to make a kid, and from this tale the Christians managed to come up with immaculate conception.

Unfortunately that was the end of class. Next time I'll try to find something amusing about bank closure in early 20th century America.